Anyway, the point of all of that was just to mention that in the course of our evening, Celina the Pet Nanny (do you know she gives me $0.25 every time I mention her name in my blog? She'll deny it but it's true.) remarked that I had been ignoring my blog lately and I was all - right I have a blog and totally pretended that I had forgotten all about my blog and that I was much too busy to write anyway.
Which was actually a big fat lie. I haven't been writing because I couldn't think of anything to write about. Which is weird because I normally have a billion things I want to write about.
Anyway, I'm writing a blog post which is nothing more than 50 Fun Facts about yours truly in order to satisfy my 7 rabid fans who are salivating for an update. It's a total cheat, I know it, you know it, my rabid fans know it, but apparently it's the best I can do at the moment.
I promise I'll eventually come back with something more interesting. (Again, another big fat lie, I cannot guarantee that I will write about interesting things at a later date)
1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? Sherri. Or Sheri? Or possibly Sherry? Kelly - excellent with the details since 1984.
2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? On my ear, which I know doesn't sound that weird but if I could adequately describe the part of my ear that it was situated on, you would understand. I mean, it's not like it's on the lobe, that would be too easy to describe. It's like, on that little curvy part that sits against your head, right next to the opening of the ear... see, I told you it was hard to describe. If you ever meet me in person, just ask and I'll show it to you. You'll be fascinated.
3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? I spent a good 15 minutes thinking back on all my teachers and realized that I sadly, did not have a single hot teacher. I did have a geography teacher who was also the gymnast coach and would do like handstands and crap on his desk while he lectured. Also, a good deal of my high-school teachers were the same teachers who had taught my parents, and although my parents are young, it gives you an idea of the age of my teachers and why I didn't consider any of them "hot".
4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? No. I paid like $12 to see this movie. I will save the making out for at home where it is free.
5. What body part do you wash first? Um, my face... doesn't everyone? And if you don't - you're a weirdo and we can't be friends anymore.
2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? On my ear, which I know doesn't sound that weird but if I could adequately describe the part of my ear that it was situated on, you would understand. I mean, it's not like it's on the lobe, that would be too easy to describe. It's like, on that little curvy part that sits against your head, right next to the opening of the ear... see, I told you it was hard to describe. If you ever meet me in person, just ask and I'll show it to you. You'll be fascinated.
3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? I spent a good 15 minutes thinking back on all my teachers and realized that I sadly, did not have a single hot teacher. I did have a geography teacher who was also the gymnast coach and would do like handstands and crap on his desk while he lectured. Also, a good deal of my high-school teachers were the same teachers who had taught my parents, and although my parents are young, it gives you an idea of the age of my teachers and why I didn't consider any of them "hot".
4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? No. I paid like $12 to see this movie. I will save the making out for at home where it is free.
5. What body part do you wash first? Um, my face... doesn't everyone? And if you don't - you're a weirdo and we can't be friends anymore.
6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? Not usually. I have a high tolerance for germs and general grossness. Plus, I have a horrendous sense of balance so hovering isn't the best option for me. Once, I had to use a thoroughly disgusting bathroom at a rest stop and I hovered. Oh how I hovered. Until I fell over because of the horrendous sense of balance I mentioned above. If you think sitting on the toilet in a dirty, gross rest stop bathroom is disgusting - you should try falling onto the floor of one.
7. What's the strangest talent you have? I can cross my eyes really, really well. And then move only one eye so it's looking straight at you. That's a talent right?
7. What's the strangest talent you have? I can cross my eyes really, really well. And then move only one eye so it's looking straight at you. That's a talent right?
8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? I have an innie. Outies are gross. If you have an outie you are a weirdo and we can't be friends anymore. Or at the very least - you can never show me your belly button.
9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? Sadly, just the plain reduced-fat ones.
9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? Sadly, just the plain reduced-fat ones.
10. Have you ever been tied up? Yes. And before you get all offended about my dirty dirtiness, rest assured it was not a sexual thing. My best friend when I was very young had twin brothers. Back then, we actually played games with our imaginations and they decided to involve us in their cops and robbers game. Which was fine until they left us tied to chairs for 7 hours (I'm likely exaggerating, it was probably like half an hour but even as a small child I was a drama queen).
11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? I'm 37 years old. I haven't lived at home since I was 19. I can barely remember what I did yesterday. Basically, I have no frickin' idea what the last thing I got grounded for was. If I had to guess though, I'd say it was most likely for "smart mouthin' my mother". Are you shocked by that?
11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? I'm 37 years old. I haven't lived at home since I was 19. I can barely remember what I did yesterday. Basically, I have no frickin' idea what the last thing I got grounded for was. If I had to guess though, I'd say it was most likely for "smart mouthin' my mother". Are you shocked by that?
12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I parallel park. Or I did - once to get my drivers license. I haven't parallel parked since and there's a strong possibility that I never will. Ben has offered to re-teach me and I have been seriously considering it for the last 6 years. It would probably come in handy right? Also, to add to my parellel parking shame, the best parallel parker I have ever witnessed is my mother. She can parallel park like a pro. You can imagine how embarrassing it is for me to be the daughter of a professional parallel parker.
13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? I've barely had ONE date in one night.
14. How many times have you been cussed out? Huh... none that I can think of. But the older I get the more obnoxious I am so I imagine it's going to happen real soon.
15. Which shoe do you put on first? I started thinking about this and realized I really didn't know. So then I tried to practice on my shoes all casual like but then I remembered that I actually left my "comfortable" shoes at work this evening and came limping home in my heels that give me blisters and there was no way I was putting those shoes on again. Then I was hit by the idea that I would try on Ben's sandals but because my feet are GIGANTIC, the sandals felt weird and my toes were hanging over the edge and I was so conscious of trying to be aware of what shoe I was putting on first that it just didn't feel right. I'll have to try again when I'm not so self-conscious about my shoe putting on. (If I had to guess, I would say right).
17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? No but I've been to plenty of gay parties.
18. Girls This isn't even a question?!? Stupid lazy fun facts.
13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? I've barely had ONE date in one night.
14. How many times have you been cussed out? Huh... none that I can think of. But the older I get the more obnoxious I am so I imagine it's going to happen real soon.
15. Which shoe do you put on first? I started thinking about this and realized I really didn't know. So then I tried to practice on my shoes all casual like but then I remembered that I actually left my "comfortable" shoes at work this evening and came limping home in my heels that give me blisters and there was no way I was putting those shoes on again. Then I was hit by the idea that I would try on Ben's sandals but because my feet are GIGANTIC, the sandals felt weird and my toes were hanging over the edge and I was so conscious of trying to be aware of what shoe I was putting on first that it just didn't feel right. I'll have to try again when I'm not so self-conscious about my shoe putting on. (If I had to guess, I would say right).
17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? No but I've been to plenty of gay parties.
18. Girls This isn't even a question?!? Stupid lazy fun facts.
19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? They've all been shorter than me. Which is ironic because I love tall men.
20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? Hell yes! Of course I was five years old and playing kissing tag with my next door neighbour. He was like 9 and I have no idea how he even knew what french kissing was but I do remember it was disgustingly wet and lasted about 3.5 seconds which was 3 seconds too long. I didn't french kiss again until I was 16 and it too was disgustingly wet and lasted about 16.5 seconds which was 16 seconds too long.
21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No. Why would I want to go and tip an innocent cow while it`s just trying to catch some sleep? I mean, what if that particular cow suffered from a wicked case of insomnia and on the one night it actually manages to fall asleep, I come along and tip it over and boom - it's wide awake again staring up at some idiot human who thought it would be hilarious to tip a cow? Insomnia ain't funny dude.
22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? Ben. Or Clive Owen. Or Tom Hiddleston. But mostly Ben.
23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Does Woody's "Kelly" song from Cheers count? Because I still pretend that song was about me.
24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? I can't even answer that question because I find it equally disgusting. And that's coming from the girl who's bare ass once got up close and personal with the disgusting floor of a rest area bathroom in the middle of the woods..
25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? My dad had a bed once that was so high it had stairs built around it so you could get into the bed. Is that considered questionable?
26. What was your childhood nickname? Kelly Welly.
27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few weeks ago on a trip to Kamloops. I made some travelling cd's (as you do) and "Pour Some Sugar" on me accidentally on purpose got added to the song list. I dare you not to play air guitar when that song is playing.
28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? No. Am I missing out on something? Because I've seen penises before and I'm not sure they're worth the stigma of being a peeping tom (sally?).
29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Played air guitar to Pour Some Sugar on me.
30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Yeah, no. Feet are disgusting and if you don't believe they are disgusting then you are a weirdo and we are no longer friends.
31. How do you eat your cookie? I've recently come to the conclusion that I am not a big cookie fan. Perhaps it's because although I have mad baking skillz yo, I cannot bake a cookie to save my life. It's pathetic - ask my mother about the time I had to Skype her so she could confirm that the cookie batter looked "normal". For the record it did, but the cookies still tasted like straw.
20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? Hell yes! Of course I was five years old and playing kissing tag with my next door neighbour. He was like 9 and I have no idea how he even knew what french kissing was but I do remember it was disgustingly wet and lasted about 3.5 seconds which was 3 seconds too long. I didn't french kiss again until I was 16 and it too was disgustingly wet and lasted about 16.5 seconds which was 16 seconds too long.
21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No. Why would I want to go and tip an innocent cow while it`s just trying to catch some sleep? I mean, what if that particular cow suffered from a wicked case of insomnia and on the one night it actually manages to fall asleep, I come along and tip it over and boom - it's wide awake again staring up at some idiot human who thought it would be hilarious to tip a cow? Insomnia ain't funny dude.
22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? Ben. Or Clive Owen. Or Tom Hiddleston. But mostly Ben.
23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Does Woody's "Kelly" song from Cheers count? Because I still pretend that song was about me.
24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? I can't even answer that question because I find it equally disgusting. And that's coming from the girl who's bare ass once got up close and personal with the disgusting floor of a rest area bathroom in the middle of the woods..
25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? My dad had a bed once that was so high it had stairs built around it so you could get into the bed. Is that considered questionable?
26. What was your childhood nickname? Kelly Welly.
27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few weeks ago on a trip to Kamloops. I made some travelling cd's (as you do) and "Pour Some Sugar" on me accidentally on purpose got added to the song list. I dare you not to play air guitar when that song is playing.
28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? No. Am I missing out on something? Because I've seen penises before and I'm not sure they're worth the stigma of being a peeping tom (sally?).
29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Played air guitar to Pour Some Sugar on me.
30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Yeah, no. Feet are disgusting and if you don't believe they are disgusting then you are a weirdo and we are no longer friends.
31. How do you eat your cookie? I've recently come to the conclusion that I am not a big cookie fan. Perhaps it's because although I have mad baking skillz yo, I cannot bake a cookie to save my life. It's pathetic - ask my mother about the time I had to Skype her so she could confirm that the cookie batter looked "normal". For the record it did, but the cookies still tasted like straw.
32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? What is this gym you speak of?
33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. Pick my nose? Just kidding. I would probaby pick my nose in front of others, (if by others I mean my mom while we're Skyping. I constantly pretend to pick my nose when we Skype so that she will yell at me to "stop picking my nose!". It never fails to crack me up. Because I am 12).
36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? Here's something weird about me - I don't get drunk. I mean ever. I can drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and still not feel drunk. I mean, I'm not gonna drive or anything but I never get that happy, high buzz that other people get. I just get really, really tired. And I never have a hangover. In conclusion, I rarely drink because I get nothing from it.
37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? ::sigh:: Um, its me. So obviously. I have a billion animals and I worked at a vet's office. I haven't just had to sniff butts but I've had butt juice from a small dog sprayed all over my arm (thanks Dr. Kate).
38. How often do you clean out your ears? I wash them every morning in the shower, does that count? I'm leery about sticking things in my ears because my mother is a nurse and traumatized me with stories of people who went deaf from sticking q-tips in their ears.
33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. Pick my nose? Just kidding. I would probaby pick my nose in front of others, (if by others I mean my mom while we're Skyping. I constantly pretend to pick my nose when we Skype so that she will yell at me to "stop picking my nose!". It never fails to crack me up. Because I am 12).
36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? Here's something weird about me - I don't get drunk. I mean ever. I can drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and still not feel drunk. I mean, I'm not gonna drive or anything but I never get that happy, high buzz that other people get. I just get really, really tired. And I never have a hangover. In conclusion, I rarely drink because I get nothing from it.
37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? ::sigh:: Um, its me. So obviously. I have a billion animals and I worked at a vet's office. I haven't just had to sniff butts but I've had butt juice from a small dog sprayed all over my arm (thanks Dr. Kate).
38. How often do you clean out your ears? I wash them every morning in the shower, does that count? I'm leery about sticking things in my ears because my mother is a nurse and traumatized me with stories of people who went deaf from sticking q-tips in their ears.
39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? I'm a folder. Always have been, always will be. If you are a scruncher then you are a weirdo and we are no longer friends.
40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? Depends on the underwear I'm wearing that day.
41. Do you have any strange phobias? No, other than that every single time my husband leaves me to run errands or go visit friends or whateverI have a constant low-grade fear that he will get in a car accident and die. It's not debilitating or anything and it's not so bad that he can never leave my side but it's something I am always aware of when he's in a car without me. Because obviously me being in the car with him would stop the car accident from happening. Kelly - being logical since 1998.
42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No. Remember how my mum traumatized me with ear stories? She had plenty of nose stories too.
43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? After a few hours of heavy drinking, I walked in to the bathroom to check on my best friend Jess who had disappeared into the restroom about 10 minutes before that. She was in a stall barfing her guts up and in less than 15 seconds I was in the stall next to her throwing up. There was syncronized puking for about 5 minutes and when it was over she laughed and giggled and told me how much better we probably both felt. It was a bonding moment in our relationship if you weren't sure. Also to be clear - the stupid thing was checking on Jess. I was pretty sure she would be puking at that point and I should have went with my gut and sent one of our other coworkers in after her. But because I am the bestest friend of all time, I walked into that bathroom knowing that I would probably end up puking. I should seriously get like a medal or something for that.
44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. I'm not what you would call a risk-taker and most people know that.
40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? Depends on the underwear I'm wearing that day.
41. Do you have any strange phobias? No, other than that every single time my husband leaves me to run errands or go visit friends or whateverI have a constant low-grade fear that he will get in a car accident and die. It's not debilitating or anything and it's not so bad that he can never leave my side but it's something I am always aware of when he's in a car without me. Because obviously me being in the car with him would stop the car accident from happening. Kelly - being logical since 1998.
42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No. Remember how my mum traumatized me with ear stories? She had plenty of nose stories too.
43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? After a few hours of heavy drinking, I walked in to the bathroom to check on my best friend Jess who had disappeared into the restroom about 10 minutes before that. She was in a stall barfing her guts up and in less than 15 seconds I was in the stall next to her throwing up. There was syncronized puking for about 5 minutes and when it was over she laughed and giggled and told me how much better we probably both felt. It was a bonding moment in our relationship if you weren't sure. Also to be clear - the stupid thing was checking on Jess. I was pretty sure she would be puking at that point and I should have went with my gut and sent one of our other coworkers in after her. But because I am the bestest friend of all time, I walked into that bathroom knowing that I would probably end up puking. I should seriously get like a medal or something for that.
44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. I'm not what you would call a risk-taker and most people know that.
45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? Nope.
46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? Totally. It counts when it's you that farted right? Because I totally farted while on a date with Ben once (or several times probably) and then called myself out on it. He was strangely unfazed by it. That's when I knew he was a keeper.
47. Have you ever played naked Twister? No. It sounds painful and unpleasant - or maybe that's just my bad sense of balance rearing it's ugly head.
48. Have you ever been drunk at work? No, but after the above-mentioned heavy night of drinking with Jess, she came to work still drunk the next morning. But it was okay because there was about 7 of us who looked or were still drunk. Except for me. Because I don't get hangovers and so I was Miss Perky Sunshine even though word soon spread through our 200 plus employees that the 8 of us had gotten falling down drunk the night before and my boss totally called me into his office and asked if I needed some hair of the dog that bit me. I said no before directing his attention to Jess who was currently sleeping under her desk (I wish that was a lie).
49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? Nope.
50. Do you want to bring sexy back? I don't even understand this question. You young kids and your foolishness. Get off my lawn!
